


exorcise my mind

by brujay



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Coming Out, Drinking, Jealousy, M/M, Some Humor, despite the tags, like it's not dark or anything it's pretty light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 08:56:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9878132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brujay/pseuds/brujay
Summary: BBC Radio 1@BBCR1 • 12hBREAKING: @bastilledan just came out live on air! Listen back here -> bbc.in/2jREPsm #WildWorld





	

**Author's Note:**

> Is it irresponsible to write a ~13000 word fic when I should technically be working on my dissertation? Probably. I've been writing this on and off for the past month, and what better time to post it than after the sad loss at the BRITs? Hope you enjoy reading, anyway!
> 
> All the Twitter handles I made up (they only come up a couple of times dw) were not in use at the time of writing, and I honestly doubt they ever will be at any point in the future 'cause they're a bit lame.
> 
> All this is obviously fictional, no offense intended to anyone, all cameo characters were chosen pretty much completely arbitrarily! Didn't want to step on anyone's toes ships-wise.
> 
> Thanks again to [killeleanor](http://archiveofourown.org/users/killeleanor) for reading through all this for me! I'm over on tumblr at [thebadrobin](http://thebadrobin.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Title is obviously from Send Them Off!

“For those of you who are only just tuning in, I'm joined today by the boys from Bastille, hello!”

“Hello,” they chorused.

“Now, you have one more song to play for us today but first – everyone's been talking about it so I have to ask about the latest gossip –“

“Oh no,” Woody muttered from behind his drum kit.

“– Dan, let's talk about Jess Glynne!”

 _Jesus Christ,_ not this again _._ Dan forced a smile. “Yeah, she's a really great artist. We've been thinking about maybe collaborating with her, if –”

“Oh come on, you know that's not what I'm talking about! There's no need to play coy,” the interviewer interrupted. “All sorts of rumours are flying around – you're seeing each other, you're just mates, you don't get on. What's really going on between you two, once and for all?”

“Absolutely nothing.” _Like he'd already said probably a hundred times over the past couple of weeks_. He felt Kyle's hand land on his shoulder and squeeze in solidarity, but it did little to stop his rising irritation.

“Quite the note of finality there!” the man carried on, oblivious to Dan's ire. “But who knows, now that the idea's out there, maybe a few weeks from now...”

“I'll still be saying the same thing,” Dan said lightly, sick to the teeth of going along with this same conversation every day, “because nothing is going to happen between us.”

 _Fuck it_ , he thought as he stared at the DJ's knowing smirk – the very same one he'd seen countless times recently on the faces of everyone who'd grilled him about this. Obviously trying to be gracious about it wasn't going to work.

He took a steadying breath, ready to finally put this conversation to rest. “Nothing _could_ ever happen, given that I'm actually gay.”

There was a beat of silence.

 _Dead air, dead air!_ he screamed mentally, staring straight forward at the radio DJ, whose smirk had now frozen in place, and praying for one of the others to say anything at all. Oh god, this was so awkward. Why had he thought this would be a good idea?

His salvation, of course, came in the form of Kyle.

“So um, yeah,” the other man supplied, “he's not interested, obviously.”

That served to diffuse the tension enough for the DJ to remember his job and segue into their final performance of the hour. Dan played his way through it in a daze and, after they were off air, accepted the DJ's hasty apologies with a bland smile. The others gave him space as they walked back to the bus and he followed them blindly, consumed by his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

In his defence, Dan really had been fed up.

For the past month or so, he had been badgered non-stop about some rumour going around that he was going out with Jess Glynne, of _all_ people. Totally unfounded – yeah, they'd all got pissed together at Big Weekend and been photographed hanging off each other, but that was all par for the course when it came to festivals – but she hadn't exactly been denying anything in her own interviews. She probably just found it amusing to add fuel to the flames, but for someone who didn't like to talk about himself at the best of times, let alone when it came to relationships, it had all come to be horrendously draining, and no matter how much he denied the rumours people didn't seem to believe him. After weeks of interrogation, something had to give.

He couldn't really blame the DJ for his shocked reaction. Dan made a point of discussing his past relationships as little as possible, both in an attempt to retain some measure of privacy and to keep the focus on the music.

Honestly, though, he'd been wondering for a while now if it might be a good idea to publicly come out. It wasn't like he was ashamed of his sexuality; it had just always seemed like he would be drawing an unnecessary amount of attention to himself if he ever said anything about it.

Belatedly he realised that he would be experiencing all that now with tonight's announcement. _Brilliant_. Oh well. He'd much rather field questions about something that was actually true than try to shoot down rumours about things that were never going to happen. Ever. As lovely as he was sure Jess Glynne was.

At least he didn't have to worry about his bandmates' reactions. Woody and Will had known pretty much since they joined the band, as he had been going through a bad break-up at the time and the topic had inevitably come up. Luckily Dan seemed to have good taste in friends, since neither had turned out to be a secret homophobe yet. They'd spent their fair share of drunken nights listening to Dan complain about his prick of an ex-boyfriend, so they knew what was up.

Kyle, on the other hand, had been graced with a more first-hand experience of Dan's romantic preferences. Dan still cringed slightly when he recalled the night they met – or at least what he could remember of it, anyway.

He'd been drunk out of his mind at a party and feeling chatty, particularly when he bumped into a tall and handsome stranger – literally. After spilling his drink all over him (and, true to form, apologising profusely), he'd learnt that his name was Kyle and that he was hilarious, and had promptly spent the next hour or so outrageously flirting, giving him his number and suggesting that he join Dan's band (a favourite line of his at the time) and generally having a great time. They’d been getting closer over the course of the night, and Dan had been draped over Kyle and feeling very pleased with himself – and then the next thing he remembered after that was Kyle's girlfriend coming over and asking him to take her home. So that had put an end to that.

When Dan had woken up the next day, mortified as fuzzy memories came back to him of what had happened and the funny look she'd given him, the last thing he expected was to check his phone to find that Kyle was indeed interested in joining his band and wanted to know when the next rehearsal was. Dan could feel his own residual awkwardness hanging over him the next few times they met up, but he managed to push it back and the rest was history. If there was still a lingering flame of attraction burning deep within him, well. It wasn't like it was hurting anyone.

_Anyway._

Dan knew he could count on his band to be supportive, but he wasn't sure what kind of reaction he'd face from the media or their fanbase. He wasn't self-important enough to think it would have that much of an impact on anyone, but at the same time knew it would be naïve of him to assume there would be no repercussions to his impromptu coming out. All he could do now was hope they'd be minimal and, failing that, prepare for the fallout.

 

* * *

 

_Kyle was laughing, and Dan could feel it reverberate through his ribcage where their sides were pressed together._

_“Ahh, I just – how’ve we not met before tonight?” he wondered, adjusting his arm around Dan’s waist and inadvertently hitching the hem of his t-shirt higher. “You’re so…”_

_Dan quirked a silly smile and watched the corners of Kyle’s eyes crinkle._

_“I don’t know,” he said, “but when you join my band –” he broke off here to point at Kyle – “we can hang out like this… mate…_ every night _. I’m serious.”_

_“Yeah? Well – alright then.” Kyle hummed agreeably. “I’ll join your band, and we’ll – we’ll tour the world together.”_

_“Do you promise.” Dan knew he was probably laying it on a bit thick but he was drunk enough at this point not to care._

_“I do! Unless, maybe, like, you find some other whiskey-soaked hunk to – who would play synths for you, instead.”_

_“There is no one else,” Dan declared and swayed further into Kyle’s space. He rested a palm on Kyle’s chest which was indeed still noticeably damp from Dan’s spilt drink. “Sorry,” he muttered, glancing up to meet Kyle’s eyes, closer than he expected._

_“Don’t worry about it,” he murmured as he dropped his hand to thumb over Dan’s exposed hipbone. “Just – let me…”_

_He closed the distance between them and Dan hummed into the kiss, satisfied. He could taste the beer on Kyle’s lips and delved deeper, chasing the taste with his tongue. Kyle’s arms went to circle his waist and dragged him closer, pressing their chests together and getting spilt whiskey on Dan as well – not that he could really bring himself to care when Kyle was kissing down his jaw, beard scraping gently against his neck._

_“Kyle,” he gasped as he felt the other man’s hand slip under his t-shirt, stroking up his spine._

_“Kyle?” someone else said, and he let go of Dan abruptly –_

– and Dan jolted awake to find himself in his bunk, desperately hard and, as usual, alone. Huh, he hadn't had that particular dream in a while. Sighing to himself, he crept over to the toilet to take care of it.

Afterwards, he sat down in the bus lounge and stared at his phone, which was sitting on the table in front of him. He'd turned it off just before their radio appearance the night before and had been too distracted to remember to switch it back on again afterwards. Now he'd remembered about it, the idea of what would be awaiting him when he turned it on was daunting.

The others were all still asleep, so Dan took a moment to psych himself up before picking up the phone and pressing the power button. Almost immediately it began buzzing with push notifications, missed calls and messages. Some were from management, which he ignored for now, opting instead to send off a quick mass text to all the friends who had messaged him in concern or congratulations before opening up the Twitter app. There were far too many mentions for him to read all of them, but he scrolled through nonetheless, scanning over the various fan reactions.

 

 **BBC Radio 1** @BBCR1 • 12h

BREAKING: @bastilledan just came out live on air! Listen back here -> bbc.in/2jREPsm #WildWorld

 

 **Bob Richards** @justbobrich • 12h

@BBCR1 @bastilledan WHO CARES!

 

 **DAN I <3 YOU** @dansgirl61616 • 11h

omfg @bastilledan is gayy? wtfffff who am i gonna marry now :'((((

 

 **Johnny** @wild4Dyle • 11h

@bastilledan I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I'M CRYING NOW IT'S @Kyle_JSimmons TURN

 

 **~ohblivion~** @sarah_awq • 10h

@BBCR1 @bastilledan gives a whole new meaning to “can u think of any better way to choke” lololollol what a great wednesday

 

Nothing worse than he'd expected, really.

What _was_ surprising was the noticeable surge in his follower count – it had kicked up a few tens of thousands since he'd last checked. He winced. Hopefully this wouldn't get painted as some kind of publicity stunt. At least no one was talking about a made up relationship anymore. He just hoped the trade-off of some of his privacy was worth it.

Sighing, he navigated back to his messages and set about sorting things out with management.

 

* * *

 

Just as Dan had thought, his bandmates were completely accepting of his decision. After everyone had woken up, he'd gathered them in the lounge to apologise for the way he'd handled things without consulting them.

“It was your decision to make,” Kyle had assured him cheerily, throwing a companionable arm around his shoulders and patting his chest. “Don't even worry about it!”

Woody had nodded along. “It’s probably for the best.”

“Well he could have mentioned it to us beforehand instead of just blurting it out like that out of nowhere,” Will had groused, but he'd been smiling about it.

With that settled, Dan was pleasantly surprised upon checking Twitter again to see that several of his friends on the music scene had tweeted him with messages of support. Bolstered by this display of solidarity, he sent out a tweet of his own restating what he had said on the radio and thanking everyone, before sliding his phone back into his pocket.

“So it's done,” he said mostly to himself.

“Cryptic,” Kyle commented from his position lounging on the sofa across from Dan, fiddling with his own phone. He glanced up. “You ready for Glasto?”

 _Fuck_ , of course, that was coming up in a few days. Or, he checked the date on his phone – _shit._ Or tomorrow.

“Uh yeah, definitely,” he lied. Kyle seemed unconvinced, but he grudgingly returned his attention to his phone, probably texting his girlfriend again. Or not, judging by the irritated frown on his face. Not that it concerned Dan, obviously.

To be honest, Dan never knew until just before they went on for a gig whether it was going to be a good or bad day for his nerves, but when it came to festivals he always needed a few days to mentally prepare himself. Obviously with the stress of the past few weeks he hadn't had much time to think about it.

Kyle cast his phone aside with a frustrated huff and rubbed at his face, leaning forwards to fix his gaze on Dan again. “You're worried about it.”

“Not really. Maybe a bit.”

Kyle reached out to clap a hand over his knee, squeezing reassuringly. “Well, I wouldn't stress too much – I mean, you always manage to put on a good show, so... I don't see why that should change now,” he reasoned. He retracted his hand and sank back into his seat again, kicking his foot out to nudge between Dan's across the aisle. Dan let him, and they sat like that quietly for a while before Kyle spoke up again.

“Oh, the missus's coming down for it by the way – says she wants a chance to hang out a bit? While we're not moving around, that is.”

“Oh.” Kyle's girlfriend, right. Dan couldn't stop his shoulders from sinking slightly, but he nodded his head. “Cool. We can have her put on our guest list, then.”

“Uh huh.”

It wasn't that Dan didn't like Kyle's girlfriend. For obvious reasons he would prefer it if he didn't have one, but she was nice enough as a person. It wasn't her fault that Dan felt the way he did whenever he saw them together, so he tried to separate her from those feelings of jealousy in his mind. He didn’t know how well it worked because she sometimes acted a bit coldly towards him, so Dan was always paranoid that she knew how he felt anyway.

“Alright.” Dan took a moment to gather his thoughts. “So! I'm just going to – prepare for the gig a bit, I think?” He needed to get away for a while.

He waited for Kyle's nod of acknowledgement before retreating to the back of the bus to try to mentally prepare himself for the day to come.

 

* * *

 

On the day of the festival, Dan was predictably nervous as he waited near to the side of the stage. He was so lost in thought that he only just managed to hold in an undignified yelp of surprise at a light touch to his elbow. He spun around to find himself face to face with none other than Jess Glynne, who he now vaguely recalled had been set to play the same stage as them.

“Dan, hi!” she exclaimed, leaning in for a hug which he returned readily enough. They made small talk for a couple of minutes before she sobered and rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, Dan,” she began, “I just wanted to clear the air between us. I was only having a bit of fun before. You're not annoyed, are you?”

Well, it hadn't really been her fault and it _had_ given him the push he'd needed to say something, after all. “Of course not,” he affirmed.

She smiled, visibly relieved. “Thank god. I've got to admit, this does answer some questions I've had, like why you never seemed to have a girlfriend despite being such an obvious catch.” Grinning devilishly, she nudged him in the ribs. “Just you wait, you'll have suitors lining up to woo you now they know what's up! That's something to look forward to!”

Dan laughed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck as he glanced around absent-mindedly. He caught sight of Kyle looking at them from where he was standing a short distance away, mid-conversation with his girlfriend. “I don't know about that,” he said, tearing his eyes away, “but thank you.”

Their five minute warning came not long after that, interrupting them, and Dan steeled himself as Jess took her leave and the band gathered together to discuss last minute details before finally heading onstage.

 

* * *

 

“That was _mental_!” Kyle cried, clapping him on the shoulder as they all walked away from the stage, buzzing with leftover adrenaline.

“Job well done, boys!” said Woody. “I don't know if I've ever seen the crowd that wild, they were loving it!” He accepted a one-armed hug from Will, who was also looking chuffed about the crowd's reaction.

Dan beamed. It had been a while since he had had so much fun performing at a festival – the energy had been mad and, after he had gotten over the initial rush of nerves, he'd let it take him over. It had left him a bit exhausted but he was still eager to ride out the buzz given that they didn't have to leave until tomorrow.

He leant briefly into Kyle's grip on his shoulder as they reached the VIP area before pulling away to go looking for the loos, but he didn't get far before he was stopped and pulled into a deep embrace.

“Dan!” cried his assailant, stepping back but staying close. “It's been ages, how are you doing?”

Dan spent a moment trying to figure out if he had ever seen this man before in his life. He was vaguely familiar-looking – maybe he was out of a band? _Fuck_ , they must have hung out some time and Dan had been too shitfaced to remember.

He really didn't want to hurt this guy's feelings, though, so he played along. “Alright mate, how's it going?”

The guy didn't seem to see anything amiss, continuing to grin and patting Dan on the shoulder. “Not bad, not bad. Been gigging around a bit, you know how it is.”

Dan hummed and they continued to chat casually for a while longer.

“Ah, Dan,” he sighed, wiping his eyes after laughing raucously at an admittedly weak joke Dan had just made, which pretty much cemented his theory that he was being flirted with.

A little bit surprised, Dan tried to play along while subtly deflecting any flirty remarks. It was a bit awkward, really – Dan wanted to be polite, but he never wanted to lead anyone on.

Eventually the guy seemed to catch on. “I can tell you're not really into this,” he said with a grimace.

Dan cringed. “I'm sorry. It's not like you're not good-looking, not at all, just…”

“Not your type?”

“Sorry.” Stocky, fair-haired, clean-shaven… Dan couldn’t really say those were the attributes he usually found attractive.

The guy waved him off. “It's fine,” he assured him, “I heard about you, you know, and when I saw you just now I figured I might as well have a go… could I give you my number, though? We can catch up more, and who knows, maybe you'll change your mind about me.” He winked.

Dan didn't really see any reason not to, so he handed over his phone. It couldn't hurt, and it would hopefully make the situation a bit less awkward. It wasn't like he had to use the number if he didn't want to, and to be honest he couldn't really imagine himself ever doing so. After all, it had been more than just the band's rising fame and wanting to keep things on the down-low that had kept him from going out with many people over the past few years.

Suddenly a hand landed on his back and Dan glanced to the side to see Kyle looming over them. _Speak of the devil_...

“What's going on, lads?” he wondered.

“Not much at all, actually,” lamented the guy. “Dan was just letting me down gently, the love.” He reached out for Dan's hand, holding it in his own for a moment before returning his phone to it.

Kyle's hand slid further up Dan's back to rest at the top of his spine, ignorant of the shiver that ran through Dan. “Is that so,” he said, face inscrutable.

The guy's eyes flitted between the two of them and he cracked a smile. “I think I get what you were saying a minute ago, Dan. About your type.”

Dan felt heat creep up to his cheeks and cursed his obviousness. _Don't go there_. _Please_. If Kyle ever did find out about this, he didn't want it to come from some rando whose name Dan didn't even know.

Before he could say anything more damning, though, Kyle interrupted. “I’m sorry, but don't you have somewhere else to be – that isn't here?” he asked. He let that hang in the air for a moment before continuing. “I mean, you're not – you’re probably playing soon, right? Wouldn't want to disappoint your fans or whatever.”

Rather than taking offence, the guy just seemed amused. “Right you are.” He turned his attention back to Dan. “Really though, call me if you ever want to talk about things. I'm all ears.”

With that, he lifted his arm in a wave before turning around and heading off.

“That guy was weird,” Kyle decided, frowning after him. “Dodged a bullet, there.”

Dan shrugged off his hand, suddenly irritated. “What was that all about?” he demanded.

“What?”

“Why are you being a prick?”

Kyle scoffed. “Uh, how does getting a friend out of an awkward situation make me a prick? That guy was all over you!”

“So it's less awkward to be rude and insult the guy? He was about to leave anyway. Now he's just going to think of us as prats.” Dan raked his hand through his hair.

“Oh, don't worry,” Kyle laughed darkly, “that guy does _not_ think you’re a prat.” He sobered as he caught sight of his girlfriend gesticulating at him in the distance. “Whatever,” he grumbled, “I have to go.”

Dan watched his retreating form, incredulous. _What the fuck._

 

* * *

 

From then on, it became increasingly clear to Dan that there was something weird going on with Kyle. All of a sudden he was prone to fits of moodiness that would last well into the night and _seemed_ , at least, to be triggered by any more-than-friendly interaction between Dan and potential suitors. It didn't help that Dan was near constantly being approached at festivals and parties by various acquaintances intent on chatting him up, which resulted in an irascible Kyle lurking just behind his shoulder ready to either scare people off or badmouth them – while they were still well within hearing range.

“Is this guy for real?” he’d snickered in the middle of an admittedly pretentious conversation Dan had been having with one of the guys from Blossoms, before downing the rest of his drink and dragging Dan away for refills. Dan would have complained, but he was actually quite glad to have a break from the man’s overly intense stare.

If he wasn't doing things like that, Kyle was ignoring Dan entirely, straight up abandoning the rest of the band for the night to do who knew what. Sometimes Dan would find him in the middle of the night, sat staring off into the distance and twisting the ring around his thumb relentlessly.

On one such occasion, Dan overheard a phone call he was having. He’d been heading to the loo when he’d heard talking coming from the lounge. Although Kyle’s voice was hushed, Dan could still make out his side of the conversation.

“Don’t be an idiot,” he was saying, “I told you I’m not going to– … what, you don’t trust me?... okay, yes, I know, I should never have done that, but I – I’ve _apologised_ and I thought– … no!... Alright, then trust that he isn’t that kind of person… hey, that was unnecessary… _yes_ I’m defending– hello?” He cursed to himself.

Dan waited a moment before heading into the toilet, chastising himself for eavesdropping.

The strange behaviour continued with no sign of stopping any time soon and Dan didn't know what to make of it. It stung a bit. More than a bit. Kyle had been perfectly accepting of him for years, but now he was out publicly it was too much for him? Too real? It was hard not to take this personally when the moods were almost certainly set off by him.

It wasn't like Dan even _wanted_ all these people to approach him; he wasn't planning to accept any of their advances anyway. He was flattered, of course, just… there was only one man whose affections he wanted, and if Kyle couldn't even handle the prospect of Dan being with other men, why would he ever want to be with Dan himself?

Regardless, it was all getting to be a bit much. He had half a mind to properly confront Kyle about his recent behaviour and tell him to grow the fuck up, but then –

He broke up with his girlfriend.

“You what?” Woody asked when he told them, for which Dan was silently grateful, caught off guard as he was by Kyle's announcement and incapable of formulating a response.

“Yeah, well, it wasn't working out, so we decided to – end it.” Kyle shrugged, dropping down into the empty space between Woody and Dan. “It was a mutual thing.”

Selfish elation rushed through Dan, much as he tried to tamp it down. He swallowed once he'd got it under control. _Calm down_.

“You seem awfully nonchalant about it, given how long you've been together,” Will noted.

Dan usually avoided thinking about exactly how long they'd been together – it made his head spin and his ears start ringing a bit because he always thought about the next big step couples took after being together for so long and... yeah, maybe that had something to do with why he hadn't seen the breakup coming. He shifted, drawing a glance from Kyle. None of that mattered anymore; it had happened.

“To tell the truth...” Kyle began, gaze still fixed on Dan, “I'd been thinking about ending it for a while, so when she brought it up – ‘cause, I mean, we both knew it wasn’t working – I knew it was time. I've had time to come to terms with things.”

Under Kyle's scrutiny, Dan felt pressured into speaking up. “Still, I'm sorry, man,” he offered weakly, which at least got him a grin from Kyle.

”Awh Dan. Don't worry about me,” he teased, knocking his knee against Dan's. “Might be nice to be a single man – like you – again... for a bit, at least.”

“Got your eye on someone new, eh?” Will jested, but Kyle only laughed in response.

Taken aback by his sudden good mood, Dan reassessed the situation. Maybe the way Kyle had been acting lately wasn't so much to do with latent homophobia as a kind of cynicism towards relationships in general? It would help to explain his moods and late-night brooding as well, if he'd been thinking things over and coming to terms with it.

This revelation settled Dan's mind a bit and helped to quell the growing despair he had felt creeping up on him over the past couple of weeks. _This_ he could deal with. Now that the failing relationship had come to an end and wouldn't be weighing on Kyle's mind anymore, Dan tried to cast aside his usual pessimism and told himself that things would finally go back to normal.

 

* * *

 

_“Do you promise.”_

_“I do! Unless, maybe, like, you find some other whiskey-soaked hunk to – who would play synths for you, instead.”_

_“There is no one else,” Dan declared. His hand was wet from Kyle’s t-shirt. He apologised again._

_“Don’t worry about it,” and Dan leant into the hands at his hip and waist, and he gazed up into the eyes locked with his. “Just – let me…”_

_Kiss._

_Beer. Heat. Headrush. Kyle._

_Dan didn’t want to wake up._

 

* * *

 

It had been a couple of weeks since Kyle's breakup and he was dealing with it extraordinarily well, joking around and generally being his old self again. Rather than going off on his own, they would go out and do things as a band – and he wasn’t even hovering over Dan at social gatherings anymore. Obviously Dan was still turning everyone down, but at least he didn’t feel like he was being rude now that Kyle wasn’t actively chasing people off.

In fact, he seemed to be putting extra effort into making up for how he'd been acting.

“These new?” he asked as he toyed with the laces of Dan’s Converse where he’d crossed his ankle over his knee. He slotted the end of the shoelace into one of the eyelets so that it stuck up.

Dan shook his head at his antics with a smile. “Yeah, I got them a few weeks ago. How come?”

“They look good on you. Great, actually.” Kyle stretched his arms out in front of him. “Recently, you’re really – you know, you’re looking great. Mate.”  He then became preoccupied with examining his fingernails.

Dan bit down on a grin as his stomach swooped.

Other than the slightly awkward compliments ( _“This photo!_ Well _sexy, look at how blue your eyes are,”; “You sounded so good on Two Evils tonight, I want you to whisper-sing it to me every night as I fall asleep,”;_ nonsensically, an earnest, _“I really enjoyed your dancing today.”_ ) – which, innocent as they were, never failed to have an effect on Dan – Kyle would go out of his way to bring Dan small gifts, chucking a doughnut his way or delivering him coffee as he wrote.

“What's all this about?” he asked Kyle once such time, sipping at his drink.

Kyle only smiled in response and settled down next to him before pulling out a bottle of whiskey from somewhere and shaking it in Dan’s face. Overcome with a rush of affection as he wrestled the bottle away from Kyle, Dan decided to just enjoy the special treatment while it lasted.

 

* * *

 

He should never have been so naïve as to think that things would get better. All good things had to come to an end, and Kyle’s good mood was no exception.

Naturally, they were at another party. There had been a break between festivals, so someone had taken it upon themselves to throw a party at their condo which Dan and the others had gone along to. The music was decent and there was plenty of booze going around, so they were all quite content to spend some time mingling.

Dan was in the middle of catching up with some friends and trying out some new and terrible dance moves when it happened. Seemingly out of nowhere, he was knocked into by Matty from the 1975, which caused him to spill a good half of his drink down his front. After righting himself, Matty trailed a hand down Dan's chest and made what was obviously a lewd comment, judging by the once-over he gave him.

Dan didn't quite catch what exactly he said but, paired with the leer he was sending Dan's way, it was apparently enough to earn him a hard shove from Kyle, who Dan hadn't even noticed approaching. He watched in disbelief as Kyle's nostrils flared as he stepped in between them.

“Disgusting twat,” he spat, still audible over the music, and Dan was suddenly having to fight back tears of frustration. Wrinkling his nose, Kyle turned to check on Dan, blanching at the look on his face.

“Fuck off, Kyle,” was all Dan said, voice tight, before excusing himself from the group and getting the fuck out of there.

He should’ve known! Things were _never_ that easy. ‘ _Disgusting_ ’, Kyle had said, and the word echoed through Dan’s mind in a tone of growing malice.

It wasn’t like he could blame it on relationship drama this time. He'd have to confront Kyle about this properly in the morning, but for now he just wanted to get away from him. He stumbled a bit, cursing his drunken sluggishness.

He was going to have to face the facts, and he told himself yet again: Kyle was straight. Kyle was weirded out seeing Dan with other men. Kyle was never, ever going to want Dan the way Dan wanted him. He lifted a hand to rub at his sternum; his chest _burned._

He took in a shuddering breath and let it back out in a sigh. Looking around, he found himself standing in the hallway and was surprised to catch sight of that guy from Glastonbury a few weeks back. They locked eyes. _Perfect_. It was about time he made an actual attempt to get over this stupid – _thing_ – he had for Kyle properly, and what better opportunity was there than a guy he already knew fancied him?

“Dan!” he greeted when he saw Dan approach. He spread his arms. “You never called, I was wonde– whoa, okay!” he interrupted himself, steadying Dan by the hips as he linked his arms behind the guy's neck.

“Sorry,” he said. “I can make it up to you though.”

The guy glanced around. “What about your man?”

 _Your man_. Yeah, in Dan’s dreams. He huffed a laugh. _Literally_.

“What about him?”

The guy looked like he was going to reply, so Dan leant in and sealed their lips together, cutting off any further talk of the man he was trying to forget about. The hands on his hips flexed and pulled him closer and he moaned into the kiss, opening his mouth wider when the guy licked at the seam of his lips. He was vaguely aware of being turned around and then he could feel the bass thumping through him as he was pressed against the wall. They stayed like that for a while, kissing back and forth, as Dan tried to lose himself in the rhythm of the music.

The music that wasn't loud enough to drown out the choked out, “ _Dan?_ ” that sounded at the doorway.

He tore his mouth away from the guy's, feeling lips drag against his cheek as he turned his head to see Kyle standing there, obviously having come looking for him. He didn't know what he was expecting to see on his face – a sneer? Bared teeth? Certainly not the wide-eyed dismay he now found himself faced with. Kyle’s eyes bored into his for a tense moment.

“I – I'm sorry,” he stammered, glancing away, “didn't mean to – um, to... interrupt.” He wouldn't make eye contact, his eyes darting from the wall to the guy's hands to the floor in a loop. “I'll just –” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, “yep. I'll... I'll see you later.”

With that, he turned and hurried back the way he came.

“Shit,” said the guy. Belatedly, he released his grip on Dan, stepping back to give him room as Dan's arms fell away from his neck. “I'm not getting in the middle of whatever that was, no matter how attractive you are.”

Dan couldn't bring himself to feel too disappointed about that – he definitely wasn't in the mood for doing anything with him anymore. Logically he knew that the party was still going on around them, but most of the noise had whited out into nothing. He passed a hand through his hair a few times. “Sorry,” he said, struggling, “we're not...”

“I think you need to talk to him,” the guy interrupted him gently.

“Yeah.”

He left the guy in the hallway, waving off his concerned look, and made his way numbly back into the main room where he spotted Woody and Will collapsed on a sofa. He sank down into the space between them with a sigh.

What was with that face? Right as Dan resolved to get over him, he proved just how firm a grip he had on Dan’s heartstrings. Even through the hurt, Dan still felt like shit for evoking such a look from Kyle. Misery spiked in him and he buried his hands in his hair.

“What'm I gonna do,” he asked his band mates, voice pitched low.

There was a pause before Will placed a hand on his back. “Does this have anything to do with Kyle storming through here a minute ago?”

“And the fact that you've obviously been making out with someone?” Woody chimed in, leaning forward to get a better look at his face. “No beard burn though...”

Dan sat back up straight when he realised what they were implying. “It's not like that!” he hissed, face on fire. “I'm sure you've noticed he's been being a prick lately about guys hitting on me, but just now he walked in on me with a man and got all – _hurt_ about it, like I'd betrayed him somehow!”

Woody regarded him strangely. “Yeah, I can imagine he would be pretty sad about that.”

“He _has_ been a bit of an arsehole about it and should _probably_ apologise,” agreed Will, “but you don't have to rub his face in it. Then again, you should be able to live your life, so maybe he needs to back off...” he trailed off thoughtfully, sipping at his mixed drink.

Dan was at a loss. “What?”

“Oh my god,” Woody laughed, “you actually don't know. This is priceless.”

“What a mess,” Will sighed. He tossed back the rest of his drink.

Indignant, Dan turned to face Woody more fully. “What are you on about?” he demanded.

“Come on, Dan. Yes, we _have_ noticed the way Kyle’s been acting.”

“We’ve tried telling him off,” Will offered, “but the man cannot be stopped. Oh, to be young and in love.” He unstoppered a bottle of Jameson which had been tucked under his arm and made to tip some into his cup, before opting instead to swig straight from the bottle.

Dan’s stomach dropped. “He… what did you just say?”

Woody seemed to take pity on him. “Look, you already made the link between the flirty guys and Kyle getting pissy. Did you ever stop to – maybe – wonder _why_ that was happening?”

“Well!” Dan blurted. “He’s obviously… a secret homophobe!”

“... He’s bisexual. Try again.”

Dan palmed his face and huffed. “No, he’s _not_? If he were interested in men I would _know_ … surely…”

“Wait a minute,” Will interrupted him, “what the hell, Dan… then what did you think he meant by slipping you the tongue _literally_ the night you met?”

“ _What_?” Dan reared back, bewildered. “That never happened!”

Woody scoffed. “Come off it, I had to listen to you drunkenly moan about your ‘terrible mistake’ for _three hours_ after he first showed up to practice – and even then I needed Will to fill me in afterwards, because _you_ were belligerent, mate.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he for some reason took me up on the invitation to join the band after me being all over him – that is, before his _girlfriend_ showed up to rescue him. It was one of the more awkward moments of my life, actually, so thanks for bringing it up again.”

“I think you mean before she dragged him off you!” Will chuckled, perplexed, swirling his whiskey around the bottle. “I was there, remember, saw it all happen – _and_ sat with you on the Tube while you tried to compose a song about Plato’s Symposium and losing your soulmate.” He took another swig. “We got a lot of weird looks that night… you were plastered, to be fair.”

The Symposium thing checked out; Dan _had_ found some dreadful audio recordings on his phone the next day and immediately deleted them. But did that mean everything Will was saying was _actually_ true? The recurring dream that left him waking filled with want… absently, he lifted a hand to brush hesitant fingers over his mouth.

“I don’t know why she stayed with him after that,” Woody was saying. “I mean, imagine: you’re at a party, you lose track of your boyfriend for a good part of the night. You find him again, but he’s having it off with some doe-eyed indie dude – sorry, Dan – and doesn’t even notice you until you physically separate them.”

“You go home, fuming,” Will continued for him, “and he’s presumably apologetic, but! He keeps indie dude’s number – and then he only goes and _actually joins_ the guy’s band. And they go on tour and spend more time together and despite having a girlfriend Kyle’s _clearly_ enamoured with this guy–”

“He – _no_ ,” Dan interjected, “that’s horrible, it was never like that, I’m not some – some _homewrecker_.”

Woody shifted, smile slipping from his face. “We're not suggesting you are,” he assured him, “because that would imply you had any idea what’s been going on, which I’m seeing now might not be the case.”

“You’re _wrong_ , though, he _doesn’t want me_ ,” Dan insisted.

“Why don’t you ask Kyle what he wants?” Will sighed. “For God’s sake, ’s about time the two of you had an actual conversation about this. Considering he’s dialed the flirting up to eleven recently and you’re as smitten as ever... I’d say you’re both ready for it.” He hauled himself up off the sofa. “I, personally, cannot take much more teenage drama tonight,” he slurred, “so I bid you _adieu_.” He gestured with his bottle and ambled away.

“He’s right,” said Woody, “it is getting a bit ridiculous.” He patted Dan on the shoulder. “I saw Kyle head outside just before you came over here. It’s a bit nippy out, but.” He paused to drop something into Dan’s hand. “He won’t have left without his house keys.”

With that, he pulled Dan to his feet and gave him a hefty shove towards the door. Wrong-footed, Dan stumbled slightly before clenching the keys in his grip and squaring his shoulders, ready to sort things out once and for all.

 

* * *

 

He found Kyle leaning against the wall outside, a couple of buildings over. Unlike Dan, he’d had the forethought to put on his coat before leaving the party, and Dan steeled himself against the cold as he approached him.

“Hi,” he murmured, coming to rest against the wall next to Kyle. He held out his hand. “Forgot your keys.”

After a moment of just staring at them, Kyle reached forward to take the keys from him and deposited them into his coat pocket. “Thanks.” He still hadn’t looked Dan in the face.

They stood there in silence for a while. Kyle scuffed his foot against the pavement.

“Shouldn’t–” He cleared his throat. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to the party? I’ve got my keys now, and – and, you can go back in now, if you want.”

Dan hummed. “No, I think I’ll stay out here for a bit. Gather my thoughts.”

“Of course, yes,” Kyle agreed. “Then, maybe instead – in that case – I’ll just–”

“Kyle.”

Kyle’s shoulders sank and he raised his eyes to finally meet Dan’s in defeat.

“Alright,” he sighed. He straightened up, seeming to take comfort in the height advantage as Dan remained leaning.

“There are some things we need to discuss. I’m.” Dan paused. “I really need you to clear some things up for me, Kyle, because I’ve been going over it in my head again and again… and I don’t think I’ll get anywhere ‘til I hear your side of it.”

Hesitantly, Kyle nodded.

“I think… the main thing I want to ask you is this.” He shivered as the night breeze picked up. “Tell me what happened the night we met.”

Kyle looked pained. “Dan, you already – do we really have to–”

“ _Please_ ,” Dan urged, “I need to hear it from you.”

Tugging at one of his rings, Kyle drew his lower lip between his teeth. “I was standing alone,” he began, brow creased, “because me and – we’d had a fight about something, I forget what. Hadn’t had all that much to drink, all things considered. The next thing I knew, my top was sopping wet and this drunk guy was, like, spewing apologies – you, obviously – and I must have said something to make you laugh, because you – and then we got to talking.”

“And then?” Dan prompted when it seemed like he wasn’t going to continue.

Kyle heaved a sigh and turned to stare straight ahead of him. “You were… quite clearly interested. In me. Wouldn’t stop – touching me, or, or leaning into my space, or _smiling_. And, I mean… you know what you look like. I _wasn’t_ complaining, I – I was loving it, and then you put your number in my phone, and were talking more – about your band and how I _had_ to, you _needed_ me to join. After that...” He lowered his voice. “Kissing you was the only thing I could think about. So I did.”

Despite the chill, Dan felt his face flush as his mind raced. It was true. All this time, it had been _true_.

“But – once we’d started, I couldn’t get enough,” Kyle went on in a rush, “and I – I kept pulling you closer, kissing deeper, but I forgot that I had – and she hauled me off you, she was so pissed off – rightfully – and we went home.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Even though I’d just nearly wrecked my relationship, I couldn’t help but text you after – just to see, try to make good on my promise to join your band.”

_‘Do you promise.’_

_‘I do!’_

Dan was floored.

“So. That’s the night we met.” Kyle opened his eyes to meet his gaze, calmer now he’d got it over with.

“You… you really…” Dan’s voice wavered. “We actually kissed. I didn’t... why did you never mention any of it to me, at that first practice?”

Kyle shrugged. “You seemed to want to forget about it – who was I, the new guy, to deny you that? Never occurred to me that you might not have actually remembered. You were acting like – it seemed like you wanted to keep things strictly professional, so I backed off. I didn’t know if you were closeted, usually, or...”

“I was trying to act professional because I thought I'd made a fool of myself, but… wait, are you saying you would have left your girlfriend for me, depending on how the practice went?” He felt like he was watching the conversation unfold from afar, rather than actively participating in it.

“I mean, yeah… instead, though, I went home and patched things up – I did say I would be joining your band anyway, ‘cause – let’s be honest – you were obviously onto something. She wasn’t all that chuffed – I was kind of stupid about you!” he laughed, a bit high-pitched.

Everything Dan had thought he’d understood about the situation was being turned on its head. “So that’s why she’s never liked me.” At least it wasn’t entirely to do with his inability to keep his emotions off his face.

“Well, no, I wouldn’t say she doesn’t like you – I mean, she got over it,” Kyle argued. He pulled a face. “Mostly. For a good while, anyway.”

“... a good while?” Dan asked faintly.

Kyle rubbed the back of his neck under the collar of his coat. “Ahh, fuck… well, after what you said on the radio she was – it was a bit of an issue, I’m not gonna lie.”

“But she’s known I’m gay this whole time, and it’s not like I’ve ever _tried it on_ with you… well.” Dan blushed. “Not since that first night, anyway. Why would it be an issue?”

Kyle looked him in the eye for a moment, sizing him up, before seeming to come to a decision. “It… it wasn’t really, for her,” he sighed. “Not right away. For me, though… you have to understand. My main reasoning – the main thing I told myself – and her – back then was _‘oh, he’s not interested in starting anything, he wants to keep things on the down-low, he’s focusing on his music’_ , shit like that.”

Dan could have laughed at the irony of it all. Back then, Kyle _had_ wanted him, but unlike Dan had managed to successfully repress it. He crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring the churning in his gut.

“Hey, are you cold?” Kyle asked. “Here I am in my massive coat – here.” He unzipped the coat, pulling an arm from one sleeve and offering it to Dan. Dan hesitantly slid his arm inside and then suddenly found himself tucked against Kyle’s side as he tugged up the zip against Dan’s free arm, sealing them both inside a cocoon of warmth. Kyle’s free arm ended up circling Dan’s waist in a mirror of the night they met.

Dan had to admit, this wasn’t how he’d been expecting things to go. He’d thought he’d confront Kyle about the way he’d been acting, fact-check some of the things Woody and Will had been saying and hopefully bring an end to the drama of the past couple of months. Instead, they were basically cuddling for warmth and having a heart-to-heart in the middle of the street. Not that Dan was going to mention it.

“So you’re saying–” he cleared his throat – “you’re saying that me not wanting to ‘keep things on the down-low’ anymore caused… concerns?” He frowned. “Is that why you were being such an arsehole?”

“Huh? I was very accepting, I thought.”

“No.” Dan pushed him in the shoulder. “I’m talking about you, picking a fight with any guy who approached me with even the slightest suggestion of anything romantic.” He huffed. “I’m a bit pissed off about that, actually.”

“Right, that,” Kyle recalled, corners of his lips tugging down. “Fuck, sorry. It was – it was so hypocritical of me, I know, I see that. I’m sorry for that.” His hand clenched into a fist against Dan’s side. “At least you got to reconnect with that one guy.”

Dan watched Kyle’s profile from his position against his side and, thinking back to everything his friends had said, taking in the crease of Kyle’s brow, the unhappy set of his lips, it felt like things might finally be falling into place.

“Kyle.” He couldn’t believe he was saying this, but, “... were you jealous of that guy?”

Kyle exhaled in a rush, turning his head to meet Dan’s eyes. The forced proximity of sharing a coat meant that their faces were just inches apart.

“Of _all_ of them,” he admitted.

 _Oh_. “So you still want…”

“Never stopped.”

Dan closed the small distance between them, raising his free hand to cup the back of Kyle’s neck as he felt him kiss back. It felt exactly how Dan had dreamt – or remembered – it, except this time it wasn’t clouded by the haze of intoxication, since the revelations paired with shivering in the cold had served to sober Dan up. There was even still the lingering taste of Kyle’s favourite beer clinging to his tongue.

“Does this mean–” Dan broke off to say between kisses – “that you did break up because of me – after all?”

“Ugh, it does,” Kyle groaned against his lips, “saw me being – being a territorial twat – kept thinking I was gonna cheat.” He kissed Dan deeper this time, licking properly into his mouth and sliding him around in his arms until they were pressed front-to-front. “Didn’t matter how much I said you weren’t – interested anymore–”

“Probably achingly obvious that I was,” Dan reasoned, laughing. He paused. “Fuck, I _am_ a homewrecker!”

“Well.” Kyle rested their foreheads together. “It’s not like you _tried_ to break us up?”

“But I did want you to. I was glad when you did, even though I felt terrible for it.”

“Then, look at it this way. It wasn’t just – it’s not like we were just arguing a lot, and that’s why we ended it. We both knew it wasn’t fair, when I was… when I felt how I did about you, at the same time.” He ducked his head away. “So I was testing the waters a bit – like – trying to flirt, and see how you reacted.”

The compliments, everything Dan had seen as some kind of awkward apology…

“It seemed to be going well,” Kyle was saying, “but then tonight, with that dude, I–” he shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Dan put a hand on his jaw and used it to meet his eyes again. “I only kissed him to try to get over _you_ … I thought…” He hid his face in Kyle’s shoulder. “Thought you were being homophobic,” he muttered, muffled.

“What?”

“With the, the hostility, I thought you were weirded out by the idea of me and other men. Pretty horrific, considering how I feel about you.”

Kyle’s left arm in the coat sleeve came up to wrap around his shoulders. “Shit, Dan, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise how I was coming across.”He glanced around them. “Look, do you want to – come back to mine, maybe? We can talk more, without running the risk of someone coming out and finding us.”

He unzipped his coat and they shuffled apart, Dan shivering anew at the cold rush of air that greeted him. Before it could engulf him completely, though, he felt Kyle’s arm drape over his shoulders and they set off like that in the direction of the nearest Underground entrance.

 

* * *

 

The journey had flown by in a blur, made remarkable only by Kyle’s eyes watching him from across the carriage. It had made Dan fidgety, but in the presence of the other passengers there hadn’t been much to be done about it.  He’d distracted himself by checking his phone and noticed that he’d received a slew of messages from a drunk Will:

 

**From: Will**

_(00:06) NIICE ONE DAN ;)_

_(00:06) 8===D (_(__|_

_(00:08) assumig you’ve gone off w Kyle anyway since you both disapaeared_

_(00:17) Dan?? D:_

_(00:23) oh nno what if you’ve gone mising and 1 of the last things I sent you was 8=D (_(__|| :’( dannn_

 

He used the WiFi at the next station to reply.

 

**To: Will**

_(00:29) Jesus fucking Christ Will, we’re fine._

 

He had a message from Woody as well, which was just a photo of his jacket which he’d left behind at the party. After ensuring that he’d bring it back for him, he silenced his phone to stop the buzzing caused by another round of messages from Will and slid it back into his pocket.

After they’d got off the Tube it had only been a short walk to Kyle’s flat, where he was currently living alone.

Dan rocked back on his heels as Kyle dealt with the lock and then followed him inside, kicking off his shoes and switching on the lights as he went.  Kyle shrugged off his coat, tossing it somewhere behind him. Dan had visited Kyle’s flat before, of course – to hang out with the others, or just to crash there when it was too much effort to get home after a night out – but things were  different now and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

“Um…” Kyle took a few steps closer to Dan until he had him backed up against the wall, hands hovering over his hips. “Is this okay?”

“I thought we were talking,” Dan teased. Despite his words, he let his hands come up to rest at Kyle’s biceps, squeezing in reassurance – and maybe copping a feel while he was at it.

Tension broken, Kyle seemed to relax. “We can talk,” he assured him. He let his hands grip Dan’s hips more firmly and leant down to speak into his ear. “Do you want me to tell you about how long I’ve wanted this – wanted you?” Moving his lips to the hinge of Dan’s jaw, he spoke into his skin, “Because I’ve… it’s been a long time.”

Dan’s hands curled around Kyle’s shoulders. “Yeah, me t-too,” he agreed, stuttering as Kyle began to trail sucking kisses down the column of his neck, pausing at the hollow of his throat before moving on to ghost over his collarbones. “I’ve dreamt about it a few times.”

Kyle pulled back to look at him and Dan seized the opportunity to crash their lips together, pushing forward into the kiss and relishing Kyle’s pleased grunt. He found himself running his hands over Kyle’s sides under his top and eventually they broke apart long enough for him to tug it over his head. Kyle’s hands found Dan’s belt and he made quick work of unbuckling it, yanking it free and chucking it somewhere behind him. Then they were back to kissing and before long Kyle's fingers were toying with the fly of Dan’s jeans.

“Did – did your dreams involve moving things to the bedroom, at all?” he broke away to wonder.

Dan smoothed a hand down from Kyle’s shoulder to his lower stomach, flicking open the button of his trousers. “Sometimes.”

“Fuck,” Kyle said, “come on,” and led him by the hand to his bedroom, where he shoved him unceremoniously down onto the bed.

“Alright!” he laughed as Kyle pulled at his jeans, getting them down his legs so Dan could kick them off along with his socks. He watched Kyle back off to do the same as he sat and lifted off his own t-shirt and then all of a sudden there they both were, sat together on Kyle’s bed clad only in boxers. Dan was unmistakably hard, and he could see that Kyle was in a similar state to him.

Something about the sight caused the evening’s events to catch up with him and he drew his knees up to his chest.

“Dan?”

“I’m just…” He exhaled shakily. “This is real.”

Kyle chuckled. “Yeah, it, it feels pretty real to me.”

“No, I mean – this is _real_ , for me. Kyle,” he warned, watching the other man’s brow crease, “if we’re going to do this, it can’t be some casual thing… you have to _mean_ it.”

After a moment Kyle’s expression cleared as comprehension dawned and he leant in, hand coming to rest on one of Dan’s knees where they had fallen open slightly.

“I don’t know if – maybe I haven’t made myself clear,” he soothed, “but, like, there’s never been anything I’ve been _more_ serious about than this. Except maybe joining the band, and – I mean – that was more than a little bit influenced by _this_ anyway.” He indicated the two of them.

Relaxing, Dan fell back to his elbows, allowing Kyle to crawl over him and press him back into the pillows. “Oh really? Thought you said you joined in the end because we were ‘onto something’ with the music,” he chuckled.

“Well,” Kyle mused, ducking down for another kiss, “it didn’t hurt that I was into the singer as well.” He paused. “Seriously, though. I – this is – it’s something I’ve wanted for years. I wouldn’t take it lightly, don’t worry.”

The earnest way he held Dan’s gaze chased away any lingering uncertainty, and he submitted to Kyle’s kisses as they fell into each other. He tugged on Kyle’s boxers, getting them down far enough for him to kick off before reaching to do the same to his own.

Finally, Kyle lowered himself down and Dan bit his lip at the skin-to-skin contact. The heat of Kyle against him felt overwhelmingly good and Dan hugged him closer to get more of it, the shift brushing their dicks together. Kyle hissed, starting to move against him again.

It was like after all those years of holding back, of covering up how he felt – now that Dan was allowed to touch, he couldn’t get enough. He roamed a hand over the shifting muscles of Kyle’s back, tangled one in the shorter hairs at the back of his head. He kissed at his throat, lifted his knees to bracket his rocking hips, arched his back to press them closer still.

“Kyle,” he moaned, dragging his lips back up to kiss his mouth.

Without ceasing the movement of his hips, Kyle pulled back to ask, “How do you – how far do you want to go with this?”

After a moment’s pause, Dan reached down to circle a hand around Kyle’s dick, getting a feel for his size. “I think you should fuck me,” he told him.

Kyle shuddered. “Shit, okay.” He laughed, breathless, as he resettled his weight onto one arm so that he could stretch out the other to grasp about in the drawer of his bedside table. He retrieved a condom and a small bottle of lube, both of which he dropped onto Dan’s stomach, making him yelp.

Dan tossed the condom to the side and fumbled with the cap of the bottle, getting it open and pouring a generous amount onto Kyle’s free hand for him. Coating his fingers with it, Kyle trailed his hand down between Dan’s legs, where he circled a finger around his hole to get him used to the feeling before sliding it slowly inside. Once he was in all the way to the knuckle he glanced up at Dan, tentative.

Unphased, Dan gestured for him to add another finger, and he readily obliged. Soon enough Dan was sighing, craning his neck to kiss Kyle again as he fucked in and out with his fingers. It had been a while since he’d last done this with another person and it felt good to let someone else take control like this. After a while Kyle began to curl his fingers, probing gently until he hit that spot that made Dan jolt against him.

“There?” He nudged at the spot again and Dan pushed back into his hand, chasing the feeling. “Alright,” Kyle said, and slid a third finger in alongside the other two on the next thrust, twisting them together and setting a steady rhythm.

Rather than going straight for his prostate now that he’d found it, Kyle teased Dan a bit, brushing against it every few strokes but avoiding hitting it head on. It still sent shockwaves running through Dan but it set him on edge and he huffed, angling his hips to try to make Kyle’s fingers go where he wanted them. When that didn’t work, he flicked his eyes up to see Kyle gazing down at him adoringly.

He flushed. “What – what are you looking at me like that for?” he panted.

Kyle laughed, bright and happy. “I just love you, is all,” he said simply. He angled his wrist and rubbed the pads of his fingers against that spot directly, never taking his eyes off Dan’s face.

Dan shook below him and his heart raced in his chest as he took in Kyle’s words. Blindly, he flung out a hand to the bedspread next to him, feeling about until he located the discarded condom from earlier. He tore the packet open and without further preamble reached for Kyle’s dick where it stood straining against his stomach.

“Oh – are we–” Kyle cut himself off, fingers stalling inside Dan as he rolled the condom down over him. He withdrew his hand and made to reach for the lube, but Dan was there before him, pouring out a good half of what was left onto his palm before wrapping it around Kyle’s dick. Kyle jumped at the cold sensation and grunted as Dan spread the lube over him quickly and efficiently. It heated up soon enough though and Kyle couldn’t help but rut against him a bit.

“No, in me,” Dan pleaded, widening the spread of his legs, and Kyle didn’t need to be told twice. Hooking a hand under Dan’s knee, he lifted it back and resettled himself between his thighs. He lined himself up and began the slow push inside, and Dan braced himself against it, Kyle’s lips murmuring reassurances at his throat as his fingers stroked down Dan’s sides.

When he was fully seated, Kyle exhaled at length against Dan’s neck, nuzzling into the skin there.

“You alright?” he murmured.

“Yeah,” Dan got out, “just… wait a bit?”

“‘Course.” Kyle pressed his lips against Dan’s once more, coaxing out his tongue while Dan reached down to link their fingers together.

“Okay,” he said into Kyle’s mouth after a minute, “you can move.” He punctuated his words with a squeeze of his thighs.

Kyle used his grip on Dan’s hand to press it into the mattress beside his head, his other hand coming to brush a fallen strand of hair away from Dan’s face. Without breaking eye contact, he pulled out some of the way and Dan bit his lip as he pushed back in. His free hand gripped at Kyle’s hip, guiding him, and they fell into a steady rhythm.

The heat of it was immense, Kyle seeming to radiate warmth above him. He was close enough that his stomach grinded against Dan’s dick with each roll of his hips and the friction was heavenly. Dan felt like he was moaning non-stop, so he sank his teeth deeper into his lip in an attempt to muffle the sound.

“Fuck, Dan,” Kyle gasped as he continued to piston his hips, “Can’t believe I’m finally – we’re actually doing this.” His free hand slid to cup Dan’s jaw, thumb moving to free his lower lip from between his teeth before he soothed it with his own.

Dan felt his stomach swoop and he squeezed their hands tighter together where they rested by his head. “I didn’t – _hah_ – think we ever would,” he confessed, breath hitching with Kyle’s thrusts. He smiled into the kisses, feeling as though he could burst from all the emotions coursing through him. It was hard to believe that only hours previously he’d been trying to push these feelings down and forget about them, whereas now he was free to indulge in them to his heart’s content.

Kyle shifted his angle slightly and Dan couldn’t help but cry out as he hit against his prostate again. He felt Kyle grin against his lips as he hitched one of Dan’s legs up higher, which gave him better access. Reaching down to give himself some relief, Dan groaned when Kyle caught him by the wrist and pressed his hand down near the other above his head, effectively restraining him.

“Not yet,” Kyle breathed against his cheek, “I want to see if I can get you to…”

He picked up the pace, hips working in earnest now, and Dan’s thighs began to shake at the near-constant stimulation. His hands flexed uselessly in Kyle’s grip. He tried to initiate another kiss but couldn’t find the coordination.

“ _Ky-le_ ,” he moaned, dragging his name out into two syllables.

Kyle moved to bury his face in Dan’s neck again, panting heavily against it. The further closeness served to press their bodies even more tightly against each other, and the added friction against Dan’s dick was enough to push him over the edge, gasping obscenities as he came. The tightening of his muscles seemed to do it for Kyle as well, who stilled inside Dan and pressed open-mouthed kisses against his neck, shoulders heaving.

Afterwards, he collapsed on top of Dan. He rested there for a moment before releasing his grip on Dan’s wrists, and Dan watched as he pulled out, one hand on Dan’s hip and the other around the base of the condom. Tying it off, he tossed it in the direction of the bin to deal with later and then rolled off to the side.

They lay there together for a while, trying to catch their breath.

“Well,” Dan chuckled, “ _that_ was fucking amazing.”

Kyle’s face lit up. “Yeah?” He pushed himself up a bit. “Yeah, it was.”

He heaved himself over the side of the bed, snagging his discarded t-shirt off the floor and giving his own stomach a cursory swipe before leaning closer to help clean Dan off.

Dan’s chest swelled at the gentle treatment, and after he was finished and they had crawled under the blankets, he settled himself against Kyle, head against his shoulder.

“I love you too, you know,” he said in an undertone.

“I know,” Kyle joked, but he rubbed a reassuring hand over Dan’s spine, lulling him that bit closer to sleep.

“‘Course you do,” Dan sighed as he began to drift off. “Surprised more people haven’t... figured it out.”

Enveloped in the warmth of Kyle’s arms, he finally succumbed to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Dan awoke to a sticking sensation in his eyes and grimaced, cursing himself for falling asleep with his contacts in. He peeled them out now and deposited them on the bedside table, noticing belatedly that Kyle wasn’t with him in the bed. Panicking for only a second, he realised he could hear him whistling and puttering about in the kitchen through the open bedroom door. He relaxed.

Casting about the room, he remembered the drawer Kyle kept of crap left over at his flat by friends. After he’d pulled on last night’s discarded boxers, he spent a moment rooting through it, relieved to find one of his old spare pairs of glasses. The prescription would be a bit off by now, but at least it would be better than nothing.

Sight restored, Dan bent down to root through his jeans for his phone, wanting to check the time before he went through to join Kyle. He noted that it was just after ten o’clock, but was soon distracted by the alarming amount of missed calls and messages he’d received since he last checked his phone. A vague memory came to him of silencing it last night in response to Will’s drunk messages and he quickly unlocked it to find out what on earth had happened.

A lot of the messages were from friends who, in a way oddly reminiscent of his fateful radio incident of a few weeks ago, had either sent worried or congratulatory sentiments. His eyes glazed over at the sheer number of them, and a sinking feeling settled in his gut when he realised that Kyle’s name was a recurring theme in many of them.

Several people had sent him what looked to be the same link to a BuzzFeed article, which he forced himself to open despite the fact that he really didn’t want to.

 

**_You’ll Never Guess Who Dan Smith From Bastille’s Secret Boyfriend Is!_ **

 

Oh, fuck. He sank down to sit on the floor by the bed as he scrolled over the introductory paragraph, seeing that the article was more of a collection of tweets from last night. The first one contained a picture of him and Kyle talking, just after he had gone outside to give him his keys.

 

 **// s o m e b o d y e l s e //** @4llingforyou • 11h

lol isn’t this that guy from bastille omg should i ask him for a pic

 

There were several more in the same vein, without pictures this time, then a couple of pictures of them sharing the coat, before finally there was one of the two of them kissing.

 

 **// s o m e b o d y e l s e //** @4llingforyou • 10h

HE JUST STARTED SNOGGING THIS GUY I DEFINITELY CAN’T INTERRUPT NOW

 

The tweets had seemingly been retweeted by a Bastille fan account, the followers of which had obviously had no trouble at all identifying his partner as Kyle, and the article had gathered some fan reactions to convey the true depth of the drama.

 

 **laura** @farqyouguys • 7h

@4llingforyou So half of Bastille is gay now? What the hell...

 

 **Johnny** @wild4dyle • 9h

@4llingforyou @bastilledan @Kyle_JSimmons DIDNT I SAY THIS WOULD HAPPEN #DYLEISREAL

 

At least this saved Dan scrolling through Twitter himself. Apparently they’d been trending.

He carded a hand through his hair and set his phone to the side, steepling his hands over his mouth. The sick feeling in his gut intensified as he thought about how Kyle would react to this. There was no denying that it was him in those pictures with Dan, and they hadn’t even discussed whether or not they were going to be public about this yet. Sure, Dan was out already, but Kyle hadn’t even officially announced that he had split up with his girlfriend.

Before he could angst over it for too long, Kyle appeared at the doorway carrying a plate of toast. He frowned upon seeing Dan’s position and set the plate on the edge of the bed, crouching down next to him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Not having second thoughts, are we?” He laughed, but it was a bit strained.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Dan was quick to assure him, resting a hand on his knee. “It’s just… Kyle, have you checked your phone at all today?”

Kyle shifted, moving so that he could sit down properly. “Nope. Think it’s still in my coat.”

“Well…” Dan struggled for a moment with how to say it, deciding eventually to just unlock his phone and hand it over.

Wringing his hands, he watched as Kyle’s dark eyes scanned across the screen, face impassive. Several painful moments passed before he set the phone aside and looked back at Dan. As if noticing his distress, he hastened to cover Dan’s hands with his own.

“Hey,” he reminded him, “I thought I said you didn’t have to worry about us.”

Dan was at a loss. “You aren’t upset about this?”

Kyle shrugged. “I – well, I mean – it’s not like I wanted to keep this a secret. Assuming you’re alright with people knowing… I guess it’s alright that they found out like this? We can’t all make grand announcements on Radio 1,” he teased. He reached behind him to the plate of toast and shoved a piece into his mouth. “There’s some for you as well,” he informed Dan, muffled by the toast.

Dan sagged with relief. Instead of taking a piece, he leant forwards to rest his forehead against Kyle’s, waiting for him to finish chewing before pressing their lips together. “Of course I want people to know,” he said. “I just didn’t know how you’d react.”

Kyle regarded him for a moment before jumping up and hurrying into the hallway. He returned a minute later with his phone in hand and rejoined Dan by the bed, tapping in his code and navigating to the camera app. Throwing an arm around Dan’s shoulders, he planted a kiss on the side of his head and snapped a selfie, pulling back after a moment to check it and tap about a bit more. Satisfied, he tilted his phone to show Dan, who nodded and grabbed his own phone, and then he sent the tweet off.

Dan couldn’t help but fire off a quick reply. “To make it official,” he told Kyle, tossing the phone onto the bed and climbing into his lap. Unfortunately, in doing so he managed to disrupt the plate of toast, causing it to tip off the bed and over Kyle’s shoulder, a flurry of crumbs spraying down over his front.

“Shit, sorry! Oh, fuck.” He brushed at the crumbs, trying to clear them away.

“Well,” Kyle sighed, pulling him closer, “at least it’s not whiskey this time.”

They joint together for a kiss and Dan couldn’t help but feel like they’d come full circle.

 

* * *

 

 **Kyle Simmons** @Kyle_JSimmons • 2m

Yes, it’s all true! I’m the Secret Boyfriend. Everyone else can back off now X

 

 **BASTILLE** @bastilledan • 48s

@Kyle_JSimmons <3 <3 <3


End file.
